Author: Raine Shakti

Raine Shakti believes in living her life cairn by cairn and in helping others learn to do the same. Her day job is in the training and communications field and her best professional experiences are when she is able to empower people. She has spent the last few years reclaiming her life and her inner warrior. Part of this journey was becoming an ordained priestess with the Fellowship of Isis. Her Matron deities are Nephthys who has helped her become a true virgin woman, the Morrigan who has taught her what it means to be sovereign, and Yemaya who has taught her the strength in having a loving heart.

Daily Draw: Page of Pentacles

First Impressions: Learning, intelligence

Journaling

I’m not doing my usual recap because I just pulled this card two days ago. I have no clue as to what it means,but this card has shown up about four ties lately. The page can be about a need to focus to gain rewards. It could be an opportunity or an invitation.

Spirit,

Please tell me what the page of pentacles means for me. Thank you.

For now, I am going to go about my business and trust that it will all be revealed to me.

December 29, 2018

I’m realizing that in retrospect, the Page was telling me two things. The first is about Cam and supporting her love of learning and the second is about my own love of learning. The Page is telling me that it is right to explore and learn and to follow my passions. I am so excited about going back to grad school. I know it will be challenging, but I’m also very very excited.

Daily Draw: The Tower

First Impressions: Dramatic change, the world tumbling down

Book: All around is destruction, ignorance and stupidity produce man’s greatest ills, change, conflict

Guidance: If it has to be destroyed, be rid of it, don’t be selfish, listen to wisdom and reason, can mean a change

Journaling

I always have mixed feelings about the tower card. It means change of the sudden and dramatic type. I’m not ready to have my life shaken up, but then I guess no one is ever ready for that kind of shakeup. I do know that I’m not happy right now and I’m feeling lonely and at loose ends. I’m not positive how to resolve that, but maybe being in California for two weeks will be good for me. I’m sad about giving up my poetry reading, but I also didn’t want to do the trip home with the horrendous commute. I guess I just need to be open to what is and open my heart.

December 29, 2018

There are so many amazing things about pulling tarot cards on a consistent basis and about going back and actually reading through and reflecting on what I’ve written. For me, it is amazing to see that my highs and lows are evening out. As I do my tarot on a regular basis, I am starting to realize that there are always highs and lows and that the day starting out poorly does not mean that it will end poorly. I have way more control about how the day ends than I think I do. I have been working really hard to step back and put my life into perspective instead of just letting myself freak out over everything. Taking the time to do that really and truly helps.

Daily Draw: Page of Pentacles

First Impressions: Wonder, intelligence

Book: My path is wide open and I am prepared for new adventures

Guidance: Could represent someone young who is depending on me, time to start over

Journaling

This is another card that has been stalking me. I am not sure if it refers to Cam just starting out or if it represents me beginning a new endeavor. Whatever it represents, I am just glad that I am out of my black funk and ready to move forward. I almost feel like this card is Cam in her sparkling boots holding her future in her hands.

December 27, 2018

This card definitely feels like me today. I am so excited to be starting school and beginning a new adventure. The most amazing part of this adventure is that I’m not 100 percent sure where it is going to lead me and I’m okay with that. I’m not feeling like I have to know the outcome. I’m just ready to see where it leads me and that in and of itself is an amazing place to be.

Daily Draw: Ten of Pentacles

First Impressions: Stability, happy and prosperous home

Book: This could relate to family matters. This card is about getting what you want and reveling in it

Guidance: Appreciate what you have, keep plugging away

Journaling

This is an interesting card and I’m not sure how to read it. What my heart is telling me is that this represents a happy and successful love relationship. I’m currently a 9 of pentacles, a single and successful woman, but this card brings in that loving partnership that I desire. This card is about the culmination and the partnership.

However,looking at it this way makes me feel something in my life is lacking and there really isn’t. Overall, I’m happy and it is nice to be able to make decisions on my own. It could also mean that family issues are coming to a head. Could it be something to do with Charlene? That s also a possibility and that’s more shit I don’t want to deal with.

I guess I just need to let go and see what happens because the reality is that until I know more, there is nothing I can do.

December 27, 2018

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the past year is that family comes in all shapes and sizes and that the most important aspects are love, happiness, and stability. I feel like over the past eight years, the kids and I have really built a happy and stable home where everyone feels safe. I’m not messing around and delaying getting home because I don’t want to deal with his anger and rage. His anger and depression were a thing onto themselves and they really fueled the energy in the home. It always felt like pins and needles walking in the door and I never knew what kind of reaction I was going to get.

Now, I know that there isn’t all the anger and hate and rage. Sometimes the energy at home gets kind of wonky, but mostly it is calm and peaceful. I like coming home and knowing that I am safe. Living with John, I never knew if I was going to be safe. There was sure to be some kind of putdown or anger.

The day I really knew how much he was negatively impacting me was the day before his heart attack. He was downtown on his mini vacation and I was out doing my own thing. The thing I remember about that day is how free and happy I felt because I knew that I was going home to a safe space because he wasn’t there to put me down and hurt me. At first I felt guilty when he had his heart attack, but I’ve realized that there is nothing for me to feel guilty about. He brought this all on himself and I don’t need to feel guilty about not wanting to be around someone who was angry and abusive.

Daily Draw: Seven of Pentacles

First Impressions: Patience and in it for the long haul

Book: Months, nurturing his garden, harvest to be reaped, anxiety over the future

Guidance: Time for patience, try not to be anxious, ponder your next move

Journaling

This is a reminder just like all the truths that slow and steady wins the race. I can’t undo 50 years of bad habits in a short amount of time. I need to take the time to truly build a relationship with my body and nurture it. That is especially important if I am choosing to go the natural route and not do drugs. I have to build and nurture this relationship and I need to make it a priority. That means the big things like not traveling overnight to the little things like drinking enough water. I need to take care of me and I don’t do a really good job of that.

Dearest ones,

Please help me to love and nurture my body and to do the things I need to do to feel better.

Blessed Be,
Raine

December 27, 2018

I used to hate this card because it was a reminder that I could not change everything overnight. However, I’ve learned to appreciate it because it tells me that with a little bit of effort and patience I will see changes. I have started to see those changes as my blood sugar is inching my way down and when I do the right things, it is in a good place. My body is actually very responsive when I treat it with love and respect. I’m also realizing that slow is better and my goal for 2018 is to do something every day. I don’t have to be a kamikazi and walk a million miles a day, but I do have to get out and do something even if it is just a walk around the block.

Daily Draw: Knight of Swords

First Impressions: Rushing into battle, defending someone’s honor

Book: Chivalrous tasks, passionate warrior who tries to conquer all that is wrong in the world

Guidance: Do what you believe is right, be careful not to rush in too quickly, some people are idiots

Journaling

This card an mean so many things. It can mean rushing into battle without a plan, it can mean leaving doubt behind. For me it means letting go of fear and moving ahead. There will always be things and people that pull us back, but sometimes we need to move forward despite these doubts. We need to test the wisdom of our soul instead of trusting other people. I’m not always so good at this and often get all wound up about what other people think. I need to let go of that and live my life for me instead of for others.

December 27, 2018

Interesting reading on this today. I do spend a lot of time thinking and worrying about what other people think. I’ve let go of a lot of it and now it is mostly around financial stability. However, I don’t think that is an all together bad thing. I think we need to do the right things to stay employed and I think that we need to respect other people.

Wow! As I wrote that, I realized there is a huge difference between respecting other people and worrying about what other people think. Respecting other people is about being mindful of people’s time, about showing up for meetings on time, about being prepared. Those are things we should do to stay employed and because we should show respect for others. The flip side of that is agonizing over every little thing we do and say. If I am working to do the right things and I am respectful, I need to let go of my worry about people assessing the nuances.

That’s pretty freeing when you think about it. I’ve also been doing a lot of meditating on the belief that I owe people explanations or answers to their questions and I’m realizing that I don’t. I don’t need to explain why I am going back to school. I don’t need to explain why I moved to Cleveland. I don’t need to explain any of that to anyone.

Daily Draw: Ten of Pentacles

First Impressions: Wealth, stability

Book: Wisdom accumulated from families, passing on wisdom

Guidance: Listen to what ancestors have to say

Journaling

Sometimes I am so jealous of people who have big families as it means having people you can rely on in your life and I don’t really have anyone I can rely on. STOP! I am done with that message that the line of thinking that keeps me not trusting anyone and keeps me locked in a solitary prison of my own creation. There are people who will support me and care for me. I just have to put down my shields and let people in. I have to trust. Part of my being able to trust is keeping myself focused on the page. I do so much better when I am kamikazi personal growth mode because I am continuing to batter down the doors. It is when I stop journaling and stop making time for me that I struggle. Big groups are difficult for me because I struggle when I do not get enough time alone. I just need to focus on the things that help me grow.

December 25, 2018

It’s funny because I was thinking about the topic of having a kamikazi approach to life this week and I realized that it is not just my personal growth that I take that approach to, it is everything. And I cannot do that with everything in my life or I burn myself out. I’ve realized that I need to find the balance that is right for me in life. For me, that is about 75 percent time alone to do my own thing and about 25 percent of the time with people. Any more people time than that and I am unhappy and cranky. I also know that for me one on one time or small groups works better than big groups. I feel lost in big groups.

I think the bottom line is that I need an approach that works for me. When I try an approach that works for others, it might not work for me.

Daily Draw: The Moon

First Impressions: Darkness, howling, intuition, lunacy

Book: Moon is the light in the darkness, Fearing what we do not understand, Primal need guides us on our journey

Guidance: Listen to your dreams, allow the moon to caress you

Journaling

The moon can be about peace or lunacy. The moon can also be a time of great healing. I feel as if my soul is healing today as I let go of all the things that are holding me back. I really need to work sometimes to stay in touch with myself and to let go of everything that brings me down. One of the things I really need to let go of is perceptions. I have perceptions about what other people think and how other people perceive me. That’s where the illusions come in. I assume people think poorly of me or are judging me when that is rarely the case. People usually have either a positive or neutral impression of me, but my own self loathing gets in the way and I project my feelings about myself.

I need to stop doing that. I also need to just stop worrying about what other people think of me. At the end of the day, I need to just STOP. I need to let go of that because I cannot control what other people think of me. The only person I can control is me.

December 25, 2018

One of the most important lessons I have learned this year is that I need both my brain and my heart. My heart and intuition is great, but sometimes I delve into paranoia and that is not healthy for me. Sometimes my paranoia feels like intuition and when that happens I am in trouble. I’ve learned that the trick for me is to step back and ask myself whether it makes logical sense and if it is negative. It’s taken me a while, but I am learning to differentiate between intuition and paranoia. I’ve found that it is usually paranoia if I’m telling myself that everyone is against me.

Daily Draw: Chariot

First Impressions: Pulled two directions, controlling one’s emotions

Book: Directed and controlled energy, clear road to hopes and dreams

Guidance: Use your mind and your heart to be successful, give it your best shot, do what you can

Journaling:

There is so much to think about with the Chariot. My gut instinct react to this card is always about controlling my emotions and keeping them in check. This is so true for me because I have been vulnerable lately and I’ve let the negative voices in my head get the best of me. Everything I don’t do perfectly, I’ve magnified. When I think about our presentation, I did a good job. I was articulate, I made my points, and I did a good job. It is not my fault that our presentation was a mishmash and it is not my fault that other people convoluted testing and training. None of that is my fault. I can only control me. Everything else is outside of my purview. I provide my input and if people choose not to listen, there is nothing that I can do about it. I cannot control the universe.

I think I need to have that tattooed on my forehead because I continually forget. I also need to quit taking everything so personally. It’s not personal. I know that part of the reason that I do this is that all I have in life is work. I need to expand my horizons and make work a part of my life instead of my whole life. I need to pray for guidance and figure out how to go from here to there.

December 25, 2018

There’s lots of juicy stuff in this card. One of the things I’m taking away as I re-read what I wrote and as I meditate on the chariot is about the importance of staying in my lane and I do that by not getting distracted by the things that are outside of the lines that I cannot control. I cannot control the shit my mother says, but I can control whether or not I listen to it. I cannot control how other people do their presentations, but I can control whether I take ownership or not.

As I’m meditating on this card, I’m realizing that it is a card of self control. It is a card that is saying I can drive forward or I can choose to be distracted.

Daily Draw: Emperor

First Impressions: Master of his domain, rigid

Book: Domination of mind over heart is sometimes necessary, now is a time you should find it easier to make choices

Guidance: Enjoy the assertiveness and confidence that self control and confidence brings

Journaling

I like the message of this card. I have ot been feeling like the master of my domain lately. I’ve been beating myself up and noticing every single screw up. I’m also in that fearful place I fought so hard to get out of. I’m feeling like I’m an idiot and as if nothing I say or do matters. I think I’m feeling like I felt about my mother. She always had to interject herself even if she had no clue what she was talking about. The thing is that I am not that person. I do know what I’m talking about and I do have the credentials to back it up. I do matter and I am part of the team.

I”m also feeling like I don’t matter in my personal life. I feel like a drudge. It’s interesting in reading the JD Robb book, the used the term fader to describe someone who fades into the background. I feel like that a lot. I feel as if no one cares about me. The thing is that before anyone else can care about me,I need to care about me and I don’t do a good job of showing I care about me.

Iagree with my choice to not take drugs, but I don’t even check my blood on a regular basis. I don’t get exercise and I do way too much sugar. Why would anyone else care about me when I don’t even do the basics of self care? I need to spend some time this weekend meditating and truly thinking about whether I want to live or die. And if I want to live I need to start taking care of myself. I also need to really look at who I am and what I want out of life and where I’m going.

I don’t like living my life in a way that makes it all about others. I want a life where I matter.

December 25, 2018

This is a card I’m learning to embrace in my own life. Being the Emperor means that I have to make the hard choices, but it also means that I get to set the course of my own life. I think the reason that I disliked this card for the longest time is that it made me afraid because every time I had tried to be the master of my fate, someone stepped in and told me that I was doing it wrong, that I didn’t have the right skills, or that I needed to put other people first.

What I have learned over the course of the past few years is that when I put myself first, I am better able to make informed decisions. If I am constantly putting other people first, there is nothing left for me and I end up being angry and resentful. When I put myself first and take care of my own needs, I can better take care of others.

It is interesting to read the above because I really have made a turn around in how I treat myself. I check my blood regularly and I track it. My average has gone from a six month average of 209 to a one week average of 168. It has been continually going down. I’ve also been logging what I eat and while it is really painful some days to have to confess that I ate way too much crap, it also keeps me honest.