Author: Raine Shakti

It’s been one of those weeks where I’ve been ready to say F* it and walk away from everything.  It seems as if everyone has needed me and has been asking for more than I can give, including my dog.  I finally snapped this morning when she was sitting in the other room whining and barking because she wanted attention.  I know she didn’t really need anything in particular because her food bowl was full, she had water, and she had just been out.  She just wasn’t happy that I wasn’t giving her 100 percent of my attention.  I snapped and yelled at her which sent her scurrying for her hovel (her little nest).  Of course, as soon as I saw that down turned tail and sad face, I felt horrible, but her whining was just the culmination of a week long pile of shit that has had everyone needing something from me and me not getting anything in return.

It’s gotten so bad at work that I’ve been ready to say F* it and walk away or at least go on a rant and outline exactly how stupid my clients are.  Then I read about Rosanne Barr and sobered up very quickly.  She chose to say exactly what she was feeling instead of taking a step back and thinking about the potential personal and professional implications.  She also chose to make things worse when she was called on it and she continued to dig in, instead of offering a sincere apology and working to resolve the situation instead of continuing to stir the pot. 

To be clear, I’m not a racist and have no intention of going on a rant that insults a group of people.  My would be rants tend to be more personal and occur when I’m feeling so stressed and overwhelmed that I can’t see anyone else’s point of view.  They happen when I’m feeling run down and feeling like I’ve given my all to other people and not gotten anything in return.  I’m doing with a variety of personal and professional situations that are overwhelming and all I really want to do is rant and yell and tell everyone exactly how stupid they are. 

However, I know that as satisfying as that would be in the short term, it would be devastating in the long term as I could lose the career I’ve worked hard to build, I could lose my financial security, I could lose the respect of people I work with.  Those are not things that I want to lose and when I think about the short term satisfaction versus the long term devastation, I know that.  So I will choose to play the long game and remind myself that this too shall pass and that no one is actually personally insulting me or telling me I’m stupid (although it feels like it) and that this is really just a professional difference of opinion.

I’m also going to take the rest of the day off to relax, clean house, snuggle my dog (assuming she forgives me) and just let go of all the stress and worry.  I know playing the long game isn’t always easy, but it is the right choice.

Welcome to the Tarot Blog Hop.  Our intrepid wrangler  Jay Cassels and Co-wrangler Sharron Basanti tasked us with either choosing a card we feel represents us personally or professionally or picking a card out of a deck that represents the Spring Equinox and using it as the secret ingredient of a recipe.  I chose Option 3, which was to let my muse take me wherever she wanted to take me.

 Having grown up Christian, this season is all about rebirth for me and as I started thinking about what I was going to write about for this blog hop, the Six of Cups from the New World Tarot jumped out of the deck and as I was reading the meaning, I was struck by the words, “The Six of Cups is healing from trauma through accessing youthful joy that you may or may not remember.”  That sentence opened up my heart in very unique ways and I realized that for this Blog Hop I was going to take a journey though the sixes of the New World Tarot.

 For those of you who are not familiar with this deck, it is a deck that makes what many consider ugly (fat people, trans people, women with hairy legs, men in drag) beautiful and empowering.  Christy C. Road, the deck creator said, “The New World is misfits owning their cultures without guilt.”  She also said, “The New World is a foundation for reconnecting to our ancestry and dismantling magic that’s been harmed.”  For me, working with the New World Tarot has been magical because I have seen the beauty and wonder in images that look  more like me than the skinny white women and men that populate more traditional tarot decks.  In terms of the order I’ve presented this journey through the sixes, this was the order that the cards presented themselves to me, but I could also see how a different order could make sense to someone else.

Six of Cups

This is card that I have traditionally had a difficult relationship as the traditional card with the young man giving flowers to the young girl has always struck me as slightly creepy and I’ve always felt a deep inequity of power in the card.  However, the card as Road has drawn it has more innocence to it and feels to me more about letting love wash over you.  Road also said that this card was also about roots and about a connection to the people that raised you.  This sentence along with other healing literature that I’m reading has helped me to see that I was loved growing up and that my parents probably did do the best they could for me.  That doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt me, but I’m realizing that I need to look at intent and not results.  This card is also showing me that I need to open my heart and be open to the love and playfulness that is all around me.

Six of Swords

The six of swords speaks to us of journeys and letting go of the past.  The RWS version of this card has a woman being ferried across the sea by a man.  The New World version has a woman standing by the side of the road with her luggage. Road says, “She represents the end of a toxic past and the end of oppressors disguising themselves as loved ones.  She represents the moment where you reclaim your personal power and walk away.”  I love this reminder that it is my choice to walk away.  There is no one physically holding me to the past and I can leave the baggage behind at anytime.  This card helped me to realize that I was making some decisions based on things I hoped would happen if I had the decision.  It also helped me realize that it really is time for me to cut all those cords (maybe with a sword?) and leave the baggage behind.  It is festering and ugly and I don’t need it any more.

Six of Pentacles

The six of pentacles is another card I’ve often struggled with as my first tarot deck was the DruidCraft Tarot and my immediate impression of the six of pentacles was someone being asked to give more than they could afford.  What I’ve realized since is that the Six of Pentacles is about opening our hearts to both give and to receive.   Sometimes we are so ashamed that we need help that we refuse to ask for it and suffer in silence and sometimes we are oblivious and do not think to offer help.  Another scenario that I often have is that I think that what I have to give in terms of advice or time is of no value to someone else so I don’t offer assistance.    Although this card is labeled as redistribution, in my heart I know that it is really about opening ourselves to giving and receiving help and giving and receiving love.

Six of Wands

Oddly enough, one of the cushions that the woman is sitting on says Rebirth, which I did not realize until I went to write this post.  I love what Road had to say about this card.  She says, “The Six of Wands knows we deserve to fully experience our setbacks, our rage, and our personalized methods of healing from pain; yet she manages to sit above the pain, embracing outside successes and smiling at the face of support.”  This card is about embracing our worth and knowing that no matter what is going on in our lives, we are worth it.  What I truly love about this card versus the more traditional version is that it is about accepting and acknowledging our own worth, versus relying on external accolades.  One of the things I have realized lately is that I rely way to heavily on external sources of validation.  I like to get As in school, I like my boss to praise me, and while those things are nice, I need to learn to validate myself and that is really hard sometimes.

As we enter this time of balance and rebirth, I hope that this post gave you something to think about and if you want to continue hopping, you can hop backward to see Traci’s post or hop ahead to see Katalin’s post.  Visit the Master List to see a list of all our great bloggers.

I’ve done a good job of letting go of the belief that to be a good person I had to be poor and that there wasn’t enough money or resources in this world for all of us.  However, I just realized that I haven’t yet let go of the idea that the only way to have money is to sacrifice my soul.  I’ve realized that deep within my soul I’ve believed that my spiritual and creative endeavors can’t pay the bills and that the only way to maintain the lifestyle I’ve become accustomed to is suffer through a corporate job.

However, I’ve realized that this belief is true because I believe it to be true.  I can choose to change that belief and believe that I can be creative, spiritual, and prosperous.  I can take all of the things I’ve learned in my life and create a beautiful, spiritually rich, and prosperous lifestyle.  All it truly takes is being willing to let go of my belief that a spiritual life equals poverty. 

This means letting go of the belief that so many of us in the metaphysical community have that selling our talents and skills means selling spirituality.  I’ve realized that that is not true and that while spirituality may be free, if I have a specific set of knowledge or skills that can help people, there is nothing wrong with charging a fair price for my services.

I get frustrated when I see people in the spiritual community begging for funds so that they can be a spiritual leader, but I’m realizing that the big reason for my frustration is that they are subconsciously strengthening my belief that you can only be spiritual or prosperous and you cannot be both.  This idea is also strengthened when I hear negative commentary about the pastors of megachurches who choose to have a nice lifestyle.  Now to be clear, I do not believe that pastors or   anyone else should take advantage of people to profit, but I’m realizing that there is nothing wrong with them accepting a decent salary and selling books or hosting TV shows for profit. 

The bottom line is that I’m realizing it is okay to profit off my spiritual and creative talents and skills.

I’ve been procrastinating lately on finishing training material for a client.  Part of it is that doing technical training material is really tedious and boring and I don’t feel like I’m learning anything.  However, as I was sitting there last week trying to finish up material that I should have had done a couple of weeks earlier, I realized that I was rationing out my work because there wasn’t anything else concrete in the pipeline. 

It seems that deep down in my soul, in the part that is still struggling to heal from being used and abused, I was thinking that if I finished this work and didn’t have anything else to do, I would be worthless and of no value.  I’ve worked really hard to get over the belief that the only value I have for people is in what I can bring to the table, so it was a little heartbreaking to realize that deep down I still don’t realize the value I bring to the table.

My guides also told me that I was suffering from a lack of faith as it appeared I wasn’t trusting them to bring more work (and hence more money) into my life. 

Although it is disappointing to realize that I still have a bunch more work to do on myself, I’m grateful that I’m at the point in my recovery where I can actually recognize these things and talk myself out of these thoughts instead of succumbing to them.

My experience at Sedona seven years ago was one of the most spiritual moments of my life as I felt the Gods were giving me a gift of true wisdom and it is a lesson that I go back to time and time again.  The lesson of the cairns was one of the greatest lessons of my life and it’s one that I work hard to live by life by.  As I’ve worked to incorporate this wisdom into my very soul, I’ve realized that it is the simplest and most complex gift I’ve ever been given.  I’ve encapsulated some of the facets of this wisdom below.

Have a Goal

At first glance, it would seem that having a goal is the antithesis of living cairn by cairn because having a goal implies you know where you are going long term.  It took me a while to reconcile the two in my head, but then I realized that when I was in Sedona, I did have a goal.  I wanted to get out of the park and I was able to accomplish that goal cairn by cairn.  Living Cairn by Cairn has changed how I view goals.  I used to think that when I had a goal, I had to know absolutely every step that I needed to take before committing to the goal.  However, experience has taught me that sometimes all I need to do is take the next step. 

The best story about having a goal and living Cairn by Cairn was when I decided to buy a house four years ago.  My kids and I knew that we wanted to move out of Chicago, but we weren’t sure where we wanted to move to and I knew I had some credit problems that would stand in the way of getting a mortgage.  Nevertheless, we put it out there to the universe that we wanted to move and we came up with a rough plan:  we had to figure out where we were going to move to, I had to get a mortgage, and we had to actually  move.  Now anyone who has ever moved knows there is a whole lot more involved then those simple steps, but those were the big ones.

We picked a few cities that we thought might work for us and set about analyzing them using a set of criteria we created (access to healthcare, public transit, museums, etc.).  Once we had our list, we started to visit them.  The first city we visited with Cleveland we liked it a lot.  We talked about visiting other cities, but it was expensive and time consuming so we decided on Cleveland.  The next step was a getting a mortgage.  I applied, I got turned down, I applied somewhere else, I got turned down, rinse, repeat.  I finally decided to get some help cleaning up my credit and the person I asked for help, told me about a program called NACA that helps people get credit.  I went to a seminar in June, filled out a whole lot of paperwork, and got a preliminary approval in August.

Once we had that preliminary approval, we spent a few weekends in Cleveland looking for a house that met our criteria.  We found it, put in an offer, and did all the other minutia associated with getting a mortgage and moving and we moved into our very own house on October 31, 2015, which was a perfect day for a witch to take possession of a house.

And it all happened Cairn by Cairn.  When we put it out there, we didn’t know where we’d end up living or how we would get a mortgage, but we just kept taking the next step that presented itself.

Ask for and Accept Guidance
We not only asked for and received help from a lot of people on the earthly plane, we also put it out there to the universe and asked our guides for help.  We did ritual every month asking for help to buy a house and we listened as we got those little nudges.  Information showed up on social media, a Web search led to a credit consultant who led me to NACA.  We paid attention to all those little synchronicites and let ourselves be guided.

While listening to guidance from the spirit realm was hard, asking for and accepting guidance from the earthly realm was sometimes more difficult.  In order to get a mortgage, I had to turn over a whole lot of personal and a little bit mortifying information.  I had to explain the dings on my credit, I had to explain the foreclosure and the bankruptcy.  And I had to set my ego aside and listen to the guidance I was being given

Trust the Guidance

I’ve struggled with trust issues most of my life and it’s been even worse since I got divorced.  However, living Cairn by Cairn requires trusting the guidance that spirit gives you, even when it makes no sense.  On December 07, 2018, I took a bath while preparing for an online ritual.  I got out of the tub and a little voice told me not to drain the bath water.  It seemed like weird advice, but it wasn’t a big deal so I left the water.  We had an amazing ritual and ended up invoking Pele.  I went upstairs and realized I’d left the candles burning.  I bent over to blow them out and my hair caught fire.  There wasn’t a towel nearby and I couldn’t see the faucet, however, I remembered the tub was still full of water so I turned around and dunked my head.  It sizzled just like Pele’s lava hitting the water.  I was so thankful I’d trusted that little voice because even though I was badly burned, it could have been so much worse.

Accept Uncertainty

The biggest difficulty for me in living Cairn by Cairn is accepting uncertainty.  I’ve always been someone who wanted to have the entire path laid out before me before me before I took one step,

however living Cairn by Cairn means that I have to trust that the path will unfold before me.  I have to trust that when I reach one Cairn the next one will appear.  There are times I feel like I’m going to be left hanging, but I never have been so I have learned to trust that I am being guided.

Live in Wonder

The biggest gift that living Cairn by Cairn has given me is a sense of wonder in the beauty and joy that exists in the world.  I was in Carmel, CA last April and I ended up at the beach at sunset and I stood and watched an amazing sunset with 50 other people who had taken time out of their day to stop and watch nature’s light show.  It was a beautifully unplanned way to end the day and if I hadn’t let myself be guided that day, I would have missed it.

Living Cairn by Cairn is an amazing way to live your life, but it takes a little getting used to and I have to admit there are still days where I want to create a concrete life plan that details every step I’m going to take for the rest of my life.  However, living Cairn by Cairn has taught me that “Man Plans and God Laughs” and to be honest, I’m kind of enjoying letting the divine take the lead.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the last few years is that when I am truly present in every moment, I experience life in a much deeper way and I’m open to finding joy and beauty wherever I’m at.  Some days being present comes easy, but other days I have to work hard to recenter myself and be in the moment.  This week was one of those weeks where I struggled to find my balance and live in the moment.

Assessment weeks are always hard because I’m on site at the client from Monday morning through Friday around noon.  This week was harder than usual due to some unforeseen circumstances so I was really happy to be heading home on Friday afternoon.  After fielding a few phone calls, I arrived at the airport and was ready to settle in and wait for my flight.  As I was walking to the counter to check in, I saw the above banner and it was an amazing reminder of how I am choosing to live my life.

Do Things That Matter to Your Heart
Work is an important part of life because it keeps food on the table and a roof over my head, but work can no longer be the sole focus of my life.  I lived that way for too long and I missed out on a lot of joy because of living this way.  I’ve been making a conscious effort to spend more time with my kids, take time to relax, and to live in a joyful manner.  Last Sunday, when I arrived in San Diego, I took time to go to the beach and watch the sunset because there is nothing like a California sunset and I am in awe of the fact that so many people head to the beach to watch the sunset.  I also make time to spend with my dogs because they bring me so much joy and love and ask so little in return.  When I choose to live in a heartful manner, life is just better.

Be You
I am the only one who can be Me in this great big world.  It took me a really long time to realize how unique I am and that it was truly okay to be myself.  I spent way too long twisting myself into knots trying to fit my now ex-husband’s idea of what a perfect wife should be and my mother’s idea of what a perfect person should be.  Both of them believed that the perfect me was someone who took care of everyone else and had nothing left to give myself.  Living that way for 22 years left me a shell of a person and it took me a while to figure out who I was, but now I choose to live for myself.  I don’t care who thinks I’m too old to drive a red sports car or who thinks it’s too late for me to go to graduate school.  I’m choosing to live life on my terms and I’m a lot more authentic because of those choices.

This is a Good Moment, Don’t Forget This Moment
I loved that this sign was in an airport, because airports are transitory places that we’re always rushing through to get some place else.  It’s so easy to miss big chunks of our life because we’re in a hurry to get somewhere else.  Reading this made me slow down and focus on the moment.  I focused on the way the light was coming through the window, I focused on being kind to the customer service reps, I focused on just being present right where I was.  After security, I went to a restaurant and focused on eating my Poke.  Even though these were all very simple and ordinary moments, they mattered because our life is made up of moments.

Inspiration comes in the oddest moments and I’m glad I took time to notice this banner and to make this moment count.

Welcome to the Winter Solstice Blog Hop.  This go round our wrangler, Joanne Sprott, asked us to explore the concept of cozy.  For me, the first word I think of when I think about cozy is Hygge.  For those of you not familiar with the concept, Hygge is a Danish concept that roughly translates to enjoying the cozy contentment and well being through enjoying the simple things of life.  For me hygge is about snuggling in, lighting candles, and just being.

In the spirit of Yule and my own efforts to bring  more hygge into my life, I’ve put together a spread to reflect on various components of hygge.  I chose to use the Druidcraft Deck for this spread because it is a Celtic deck and it reminds me of the outdoors and of a simpler time.  It is also the first Tarot deck I every worked with so it brings a lot of history to the table and a lot of knowledge of who I am and what is important to me in terms of cozy.

Hope for me is central to the concept of hygge because when I feel hopeful, I’m able to let go of distractions and be present in the moment.  When I’m worried about the future and feeling as if the world is closing in on me, it’s hard for me to relax and be in the moment.  When I asked the cards, how I can keep hope alive, I pulled the Six of Pentacles which is a reminder to give to others and to help when you can.  This card is a reminder that life can be harsh and cruel, but that everyone has something to give. Some of us have money to give, some have time, and others may only have a smile, but if everyone gives what we can, we will all be better off.  

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Yuletide is a season of hope and joy that should be innocent and kind, but all too often we get caught up in the commercialism and the competitiveness of having to buy the biggest and best presents. When I asked the cards how I could honor the spirit of yule, the Seven of Pentacles told me to take a break and be grateful for what I had.   The cards told me to let go and trust that I’d done my job and that I didn’t have to be a super star in all areas of my life.

This resonated so much with where I’m at with my life as in the past, I’ve always fully decorated my house for the holidays.  I’ve had at least one tree, lots of Santas, and a host of other decorations.  However, I had an opportunity to travel right before the holidays to see some old friends and I realized that if I wanted to be fully engaged with my friends, I couldn’t decorate the way I usually did.  I decided that I’d scale back this year with lots of candles and greenery and less stuff.  I’m heading into the week feeling relaxed and at peace.

I’m finally realizing that I am enough just as I am and that I don’t have to continually prove myself over and over and over.  I can just be.

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Gratitude is another important component of hygge in my life.  When I am feeling grateful, I feel peace right down to my bones.  Being grateful helps me to remember that even though life might not always be perfect and that there are a lot of bad things that happen in our lives, there are also a lot of amazing things in our lives.  As cliched as it sounds, I write a gratitude list every day and I’ve found that when I take time to consciously think about the good things in life, my outlook on life is a lot rosier.

The cards have a sense of humor and when I asked what I had to be grateful for, the ten of pentacles showed up to remind me that I have people in my life to love me, I have material goods, I have a house that keeps me warm and cozy, and I have a couple of big dogs in my life to bring me laughter and joy.
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Grace as unmerited and unconditional love and support is a concept I was introduced to after my divorce.  I was a mess and was incredibly needing and I emotionally vomited over any one who was close to me.  I was incredibly fortunate in that I had a best friend who was totally there for me.  He listened to me rant, gave me a shoulder to cry on, and reminded me that I was worth loving.  He was the first human that ever truly gave me unconditional love.  However, since then I’ve realized that I’ve always had unconditional love in my life because I’ve always had dogs who were there with a snuggle and love no matter what was going on in my life.

When I asked the cards how I could show grace, I pulled the eight of pentacles which was very ironic in a way as my best friend was also my mentor at work.  The eight of pentacles tells me that grace is a skill that I need to work on and develop as I’m often quick to judge other people, especially when I am stressed and overwhelmed.  The cards are telling me that I also need to show grace and love myself even when I’m not perfect at unconditional love.
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Embracing cozy is something I struggle with as I always feel like I should be doing something productive instead of sitting on the couch sipping hot chocolate and enjoying my scented candles.  A lot of us have been brought up in an environment that equates just being and relaxing with being lazy and slothful.  The advice the cards gave me when I asked how to embrace cozy was interesting as the Ace of Swords showed up to tell me to cut away all things that no longer matter.  It’s time to let go of emotions, people, and things that no longer serve me.

Pulling this card was serendipitous as one of my words for the year was shedding and I have been working all year long on letting go of things that no longer serve me.  I’ve limited relationships with people who trigger me, I’ve gotten rid of stuff I know longer need, and I’ve worked to set boundaries.  This card was both an affirmation and a reminder that there is always more to shed.
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I have to confess that when I turned these cards over I very nearly put them back and reshuffled because they seemed too perfect and they had me wondering if my deck had actually gotten shuffled.  However, this is a deck I’ve been using for a while so I know it’s been shuffled and the cards are what they are.  Sometimes, you just have to laugh at how perfectly they fall.

I hope everyone has an amazing Yule.

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I’ve come to realize that Self Care doesn’t just happen, it requires the same planning and diligence that anything else worthwhile needs. I’ve also realized that self care isn’t just massages, warm baths, and spa treatments, it is also eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and making myself a priority. My Self Care Manifesto outlines how I’ll take care of myself over the next year.

I will put my own needs first unless there are extenuating circumstances and I make a conscious decision to do otherwise.

I will eat healthy.

I will exercise daily.

I will get enough sleep every day

I will feed my soul daily.

I will connect to spirit daily.

I will be fiscally responsible.

I will make kind choices.

I will not hold anger in my heart.

I will not apologize for existing nor offer any apologies that are not necessary.

I will honor my body.

I will love and honor all of me.I will live life with an open heart.

I will connect to nature regularly.

I will not take everything personally.

I will only fly at reasonable hours and I will limit connecting flights.