October 21, 2022
Deck: Tarot de St. Croix
First Impressions:
Book: Find your power through creating ritual and sacred space.
Guidance: Own Your Life
Journaling:
Ritual is an interesting thing for me because I crave the magick of ritual and ceremony, but I feel like I don’t have a safe space to do ritual in. I love my children very much, but it feels like I don’t have space to my self and when I do, it takes me a while to start to feel safe and then they are home again. I don’t even feel safe in my room because the last time I was having a good cry, Cam busted in to tell me something that wasn’t urgent. She just figured she heard the music so I was available. The kids are good about respecting work time, but they are not so good at respecting personal time.
I miss lighting candles and doing ritual, but I don’t know how to feel safe again. I also know that is why my bedroom is a disaster is because there is a subconcious feeling that the clutter keeps me safe. I know that is dumb, but that’s how I feel. Every time I create an inviting space, it gets cluttered up by other people.
Wow! There is a lot to unpack here and I think I need to pull some cards and really dig into this.
Where I’m At: I am at home today. I worked hard all day and now I’m hanging out with the doggos. Clam and I also went for a nice walk at Oakwood.
Weather: It is positively beautiful out. It was a little cool, but when we walked the dogs it was so nice out.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 17%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:43/6:37
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August 6, 2022
Deck: Secrets of the Rose Tarot
Card Name: Four of Batons
First Impressions: This card doesn’t look like any four of wands card I’ve seen as it is kind of strange. It reminds me more of the four of pentacles than the four of wands.
Book: Pleasure in the completion of a matter, work project perfected, closure and harvest, a job well done
Guidance: Take pleasure in your accomplishments
Journaling:
This is an interesting read on this card and one that I’m not familiar with. I’m much more familiar with the celebration aspect of the four of wands. However, there is a celebration in completing a job and it is okay to take pleasure in accomplishments. What I’m realizing is that all to often, we rush on to the next thing before acknowledging our awesomeness. I think taking pleasure in our accomplishments is one way that we can stop and smell the roses. We can say that I did this and it was good.
I’m feeling like a circle is being closed at work and while I’m not thrilled with how it is ending, I did my very best and it is not my fault that people lied. The Cleveland plant lied and Icorp lied. I am not responsible for those things and I am not taking ownership of them.
Where I’m At: I’m at home right now. I had to take Ms. Wendy to the vet this morning to check her ears and she acted uncharacteristically cranky. She doesn’t like the boy vet and while she didn’t snap at him or anything, she wanted nothing to do with him. After I took her to the vet, I went to the farmer’s market and got some amazing looking peppers for chili.
Weather: It is fucking gross outside. It feels like 90 and there is 60% humidity. When you walk outside, it feels as if you are sucking water.
Moon Phase: Waxing gibbous 62%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:24 / 8:29
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June 22, 2022
Deck: Intuitive Dark goddess
First Impressions: The hand reaching up is super weird. I love the bower of flowers and the pillars of light though
Book: Ceremony, harmony, joy, grounding
Guidance: Appreciate the hard work you’ve done and the joy that surrounds me
Journaling:
I’m actually feeling happy today. I had a good day at work and felt like I made progress. I was also happy that Tiffany called to check on me as she wondered if I was having a bad day. And I was, but I was also tired of Mary’s queen of the world routine and that she gets to decide how implementations are going to go. It is total BS and I’m just tired of it. She does not get to decide how implementations go or how we manage meetings.
I got over that though and I said my piece, escalated it, and moved on. I’ve actually had a good day and I’m realizing that choosing joy and choosing to stay in my lane and manage what I can manage makes me a much happier person. I’ve also been diligently working to keep the house tidier and that is helping a lot too. I think sometimes we get caught up in the big rituals of life and don’t think about the little ones like cleaning house, ringing the wind chimes in the morning. And being grateful.
Where I’m At: It was a really long and stressful day. I’m frustrated about Intelex. I see the need to proceed cautiously, but I honestly think we have enough information to change the scope or walk away. However, I understand that that is a big step.
Weather: It was really nice this morning, but it got sickningly hot this afternoon. I sat out with the dogs for a while this afternoon, but it was even too hot for Wendy to want to stay out long.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 36%
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:51 / 9:05
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May 17, 2022
Deck: Tarot of Little Secrets
First Impressions: Stability and frivolity. The castle gives a sense of stability and a sense that things are going to be okay and the wands and the fairies give a sense of frivolity. For me this is about being able to have both.
Book: Celebration, Joy, gathering
Guidance: New life grows in the garden of inception
Journaling:
As I reflect on this card, I think about the words that called to me which were stability and frivolity. One of the things I’ve learned in life is that it is way easier to have frivolity if you have stability. I’ve been reading so many heartbreaking stories lately about people who are working and doing the best they can and still have nothing. The saddest was a posting from a teacher who was $1,000 overdrawn and now had no money for food for the month. The problem is that once you get overdrawn by that much it is hard to get back on your feet. We should pay teachers a living wage and we don’t. The system is really set up to keep people poor. I don’t know how to get out of the poverty loop. The only way I did it was working my ass off and job hopping, but I know that not everyone has the skills to be able to do that.
I gotta be super honest and say that there are days I just want to check out and not deal with all the bullshit anymore.
Where: I’m at home today and it was actually a good day as I was able to get a lot done. Yesterday was hard as it felt like I didn’t make any progress.
Weather: It was cool, but it really felt amazing to have the window open and the cold air coming in
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous 97%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:03 pm / 8:41 pm
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March 25, 2022
Deck: Light Seer’s Tarot
First Impressions: Joyous celebration, abandon
Book: Celebration, prosperity, important event, stability
Guidance: Relax, release, and allow your body to process it all
Journaling:
I love the meaning of this to relax and release. I really need to start meditating more and focus on letting go. I know from when I was married that I hold a lot of garbage in my body. My shoulders hold it, my legs hold it, and my back holds it. Meditation is one of the best ways to let go of it and get my body relaxed.
Where: I’m sitting on the couch and Wendy
Weather: It snowed early this morning, which is a reminder that you can never really be sure about spring in the Midwest until at least April (I’m actually writing this on the 26th)
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous, 47
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:21 am / 7:44 pm
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February 16, 2022
Deck: Tarot of the Divine
First Impressions: Love, focused on the person you love, celebration
Book: Reunion, Success, Happiness, Family
Guidance: Be thankful and cherish loved ones
Journaling:
As I reflect on this card, I’m realizing that it is about celebrating love in all forms. It isn’t about just having “the one.” I need to open myself to love in all different formats and lean into it. That’s super hard as I was raised around people who were not trustworthy and love was transactional. It was all about you scratch my back and I scratch yours. The worst was my grandmother who continually changed her will depending upon who was in favor. That’s not a good way to live.
I’m working on discovering true love, which is unconditional and beautiful. It is connecting from the heart. It is the love that I have for my beautiful and silly puppo.
Where I’m At: I’m at home. I had my doctor visit this morning and got good results. I’m also sitting on the couch chilling and working on my tarot.
Mood: I’m in a pretty good mood. I don’t really want to be awake and I’m not wanting to do my work today, but it’s okay
Weather: It is super windy outside, but it is supposed to get up to 52 today.
Moon Phase: Full
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:19 am/6:01 PM
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Deck: Tarot of the Divine
First Impressions: 
Celebration, Frivolity, working with others
Book: Joyful passage from one phase to the next,
Guidance: Delight has a vital place in creating lasting success, relax and enjoy, take price in what you’ve accomplished
Journaling
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned lately is that when I let joy into my life, my life is much happier and oddly enough it also means I get more done. Letting fun into my life is often difficult as I make these huge to do lists and feel like I just have to do, do, do. However, I’ve gotten a lot better at reminding myself that life is not all about work and that joy really does matter. We had a team event tonight and I actually let myself enjoy it. I mingled with people, I socialized, and I enjoyed myself. I’m not always good at that, but I’m making a conscious effort to let people in.
I do believe the loving kindness meditation is helping a lot as I’m starting to remind myself daily to love myself and to be kind and compassionate to myself. Having that reminder on a daily basis means that it is starting to work its way into my DNA. I always used to think that being an adult meant being serious all the time and not making time to be silly and to have fun. However, I’ve learned that being an adult isn’t about being serious all the time. I can meet my obligations and do what I need to do without being serious all the time. I’ve also realized that being open and fun draws people to me and that helps me meet people and to have more joy in my life.
Deck: Dark Goddess Tarot
Deck: Gaian Tarot
Deck: Gaian Tarot
Cairn by Cairn 