Deck: Sacred Traveler Oracle
First Impressions: Positive energy, drawing guidance from the moon
Book: Inner and outer healing is taking place right now
Guidance: Healing energy flows through you
Major Events this Week: This is an incredibly stressful week as I have four major meetings. I also have some major school projects taking place
Journaling
I love this image as I feel her healing energy coming out from the card. This card makes me think of Reiki and how energy flows from the universe into my body. What I’m taking from this card is that I need to do some energy work and to let go of a lot of things. The trauma work that I am doing is really helping me to identify and resolve issues, but I also have to be open to energy healing and to letting go of things that are holding me back.
The biggest issue that I am holding on to is my grudges and anger toward my mother. I have gotten to the point where I can let go of my anger toward her in principle as I know that she doesn’t have the knowledge and skills that I do. And I can let go of anger toward her because I would not hold someone without skills responsible for something they cannot do. I can let go of my anger at her raising me to be a second class citizen as that just made me angry and made me push harder to be my own person. I can let go of her embarrassing me in public, she has no clue as to what a filter is. I’ve let go of her thinking women are to be barefoot and pregnant and have no value outside of that. Again, that pissed me off and made me work harder to become who I am. She fundamentally damaged me, but the overwhelming realization I’ve had through the work I’ve been doing is that it was not personal. It wasn’t about me, it was about her and her inadequacies.
The problem is that I can deal with the pain she inflicted conceptually, but I cannot deal with her. I cannot deal with her continuing to belittle me and make me feel less than. I know it is her shit and not mine, but it still feels demeaning. I honestly don’t know if it is possible to have a relationship with her in this realm.
Cairn by Cairn 