Wendy is my dear and loving pit bull. We adopted her about five months ago and she has brought so much joy and love to our lives. However, like all shelter dogs she comes with baggage. Wendy had given birth about six weeks before we adopted her and we don’t know what happened to her puppies as City Dogs didn’t have much information on her. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her sweet sad face and I knew that she had to be part of my life.
She’s gotten over most of her anxiety and most of the time is an incredibly sweet and loving dog. Sure she’s a bed hog and she gets a little cranky when we do unexpected things like set up the computer on the dining room table, but she’s mostly pretty low key. However, she was on a tear last week, she would come into the office and sit and bark at me for no reason, she pulled a bowl off the counter, and she was just generally acting out. Each time she came and barked at me, I checked her food bowl, I checked that she had water, and took her out. That satisfied her for a while, but the she’d be back and barking at me.
I was getting really frustrated until I realized that while her food bowl was full, one of the metal dog cans we keep the dog food in was empty and the supply in the other one was dwindling. I hadn’t thought anything of it because there was a bag of food sitting there waiting to be dumped into the canisters as soon as they were both empty, but Wendy had not equated the food bag with food and she was panicking and thinking she was going to run out of food. She was doing the only thing she could think to do and that was telling her human that there was an impending disaster and she was out of food. It didn’t matter that there really was food, she was afraid of starving.
As soon as I realized what she was concerned about, my heart broke as no dog should have to be afraid there isn’t enough to eat. I filled up both cans of food and made sure that she knew they were full. She relaxed as soon as she realized that there was food and she wasn’t going to starve. Now we’ve started showing her that there is food in both cans every time we feed her.
As I was thinking about the angst that Wendy went through thinking there was no food, I realized that this was what poverty consciousness looked like and I realized that there are a lot of times when I act just like Wendy. There’s money in my bank account, I have a good job, my bills are paid, I have a car to drive, but despite all of the obvious signs of prosperity, my brain is convinced that I’m going to starve. That’s when I get whiny, when I get grouchy, and when my heart clenches up in fear because I am positive that what I have is too good to be true and that there really is no food, even though there is a full bag sitting right there.
So what am I going to do about it? I’m going to remind myself that just like Wendy has me to make sure her food bowl is full, I have my beloved deities who always take care of me and guide me. Just like I want the best for my Wendy, they want what’s best for me and they are there to fill my food bowl and to remind me that I am loved and I am taken care of. I’m also going to be aware of what my poverty consciousness looks like and remind myself that when I get cranky and out of sorts, its probably my fear talking. I’ve learned that when I’m afraid, the best thing I can do is to make a list of all the ways that my fear is not true and use my logic to overcome my fear.
And hopefully someday, my Wendy will realize that I’m here for the long term and the kids and I will always make sure there is food in her food bowl.
Cairn by Cairn 