It’s been one of those weeks where I’ve been ready to say F* it and walk away from everything. It seems as if everyone has needed me and has been asking for more than I can give, including my dog. I finally snapped this morning when she was sitting in the other room whining and barking because she wanted attention. I know she didn’t really need anything in particular because her food bowl was full, she had water, and she had just been out. She just wasn’t happy that I wasn’t giving her 100 percent of my attention. I snapped and yelled at her which sent her scurrying for her hovel (her little nest). Of course, as soon as I saw that down turned tail and sad face, I felt horrible, but her whining was just the culmination of a week long pile of shit that has had everyone needing something from me and me not getting anything in return.
It’s gotten so bad at work that I’ve been ready to say F* it and walk away or at least go on a rant and outline exactly how stupid my clients are. Then I read about Rosanne Barr and sobered up very quickly. She chose to say exactly what she was feeling instead of taking a step back and thinking about the potential personal and professional implications. She also chose to make things worse when she was called on it and she continued to dig in, instead of offering a sincere apology and working to resolve the situation instead of continuing to stir the pot.
To be clear, I’m not a racist and have no intention of going on a rant that insults a group of people. My would be rants tend to be more personal and occur when I’m feeling so stressed and overwhelmed that I can’t see anyone else’s point of view. They happen when I’m feeling run down and feeling like I’ve given my all to other people and not gotten anything in return. I’m doing with a variety of personal and professional situations that are overwhelming and all I really want to do is rant and yell and tell everyone exactly how stupid they are.
However, I know that as satisfying as that would be in the short term, it would be devastating in the long term as I could lose the career I’ve worked hard to build, I could lose my financial security, I could lose the respect of people I work with. Those are not things that I want to lose and when I think about the short term satisfaction versus the long term devastation, I know that. So I will choose to play the long game and remind myself that this too shall pass and that no one is actually personally insulting me or telling me I’m stupid (although it feels like it) and that this is really just a professional difference of opinion.
I’m also going to take the rest of the day off to relax, clean house, snuggle my dog (assuming she forgives me) and just let go of all the stress and worry. I know playing the long game isn’t always easy, but it is the right choice.
Cairn by Cairn 