I did something courageous today: I talked to people. I’m not being funny or sarcastic or anything but truthful when I say that for me going up and initiating a conversation at social event is courageous. I can get up in front of a room and talk to hundreds of people without breaking a sweat. I can play host to multiday gatherings. I can lead teams at work. I can do all of those things and fool the world into thinking I’m a very extroverted and social person, but the truth of the matter is in my personal life I’m an introvert who has no real friends.
Most people think that courage is something that other people have, that it’s the force that drives a firefighter into a burning building or a soldier into battle, but the reality is that we all have moments in our life when we are called upon to be courageous. Courage can be the force that propels us to leave all that we know behind and move across country, it can be the force that gives us the courage to save someone’s life, or it can be the gentle nudge that’s pushing me off the couch and out into the world to make friends.
The dictionary defines courage not as the absence of fear but as “the ability to do something that frightens one.” I love this definition because it doesn’t say that courage is facing big scary monsters or fighting fires. All it says is that to have courage we have to do something that frightens us. That could be facing down a spider, driving to a new city, or riding a bike.
According to an article in Psychology Today, there are six attributes to courage, which I’ve listed below along with some thoughts on how this relates to everyday acts of courage.
Feeling Fear Yet Choosing to Act—I can guarantee us that everyone reading this has acted courageously at some point in their life, even if you wouldn’t label it as such. Most of us have started a new job even though we’ve been afraid, we’ve stood up and given speeches despite the butterflies in our stomach, we’ve gone away to college, we’ve started a family, we’ve done all those extraordinary and everyday things despite the fear we’ve felt.
Following Your Heart—Following your dreams and your passions is scary and a lot of people choose to stay in the corporate world versus following their dreams. One of the best examples of this I can think of is my acupuncturist at Grubby Halo Community Acupuncture. He’s had corporate jobs, but that wasn’t his dream so a few years ago he became an acupuncturist and opened his own clinic. It hasn’t been easy and I know there are days when business was slow when he may have had doubts, but he persevered and his business is growing every day.
Persevering in the Face of Adversity— My daughter is one of the most courageous people I know and she has faced more in 25 years than a lot of people will in a lifetime. She has a diagnosis of bipolar with psychosis and while her condition is bad enough the meds sometimes make it worse. Five years ago she wanted to study in Scotland and she got scholarships to cover it. However, she’d started a new med right before she left and it gave her jaw spasms that left her jaw locked open. During the four months she was there she was in the hospital about 10 times to get meds to unlock her jaw. It was painful and hard, but she didn’t give up and she had a wonderful time despite her condition because she persevered and didn’t let her limitations stop her.
Standing Up For What Is Right—Millions of Americans are exercising their courage as we write letters, march in the streets, and stand up for what’s right. When I went to the Women’s March in January, I met women who were 60 years old and this was their first march. Although marching in Downtown Cleveland may not be as dramatic as rescuing Jews during WWII, it is still an act of courage to stand up and speak out.
Expanding Your Horizons; Letting Go of the Familiar—Two years ago my kids and decided that we wanted to move out of Chicago because it was too expensive and there was too much violence. We explored various cities and ultimately decided to move to Cleveland. We didn’t know a soul, but we knew it was the right decision so I bought a house, we packed all our belongings, and we moved. It was hard to let go of the familiar and the safe and to move somewhere where we didn’t know anyone. And although it was hard and scary, it was the right choice and I will make friends.
Facing Suffering With Dignity or Faith—My daddy died of lung cancer nine years ago and he faced his end with dignity and faith. Although he may have been afraid, he never showed us his fear. Instead he focused on how much he loved us and how much faith he had that he was going home to heaven. He was kind and patient with the nurses even though he was in tremendous pain and he was worked hard to hide the true severity of his pain from my mom.
Over the past few months, I’ve come up with dozens of excuses not to participate in activities: I don’t want to go by myself, no one will like me, everyone there already has friends, the wind is blowing the wrong direction (just kidding), etc. But the truth of the matter is that I’m afraid of getting out and meeting people. I’m afraid of being rejected. However, the only way I’m truly going to meet people is to have the courage to put myself out there and if someone I meet doesn’t like me, so what? I’ll just gather my courage and try again.
Cairn by Cairn 