King of Pentacles

King of Pentacles Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  This king is so much more casual than some other versions of the King of Pents.  he is lounging as if he is a man who knows his own importance and isn’t afraid to be himself.  The king of pents is clearly the master of his domain.

Book: Enjoy the finer things in life, working hard for what you have, wanting to set aside responsibility, not satisfied by the good life, sharing what he has.

Guidance:  Welcome change and innovation, you’ve earned what you have

Journaling

Interesting that s I’m sitting looking over the city, I’m lonely.  It feels as if I have everything I need or desire, but it doesn’t mean anything.

January 23, 2018

It’s been over a year since I pulled that card and my perspective has changed so much.  Although I still want someone in my life, I’m better able to appreciate what I have and the person I’ve become.  I think a big part of my problem was that I didn’t think I should be comfortable being alone and I didn’t think I should be proud of my accomplishments.  My parents raised me to believe I was nothing without a man and John reinforced that by being jealous of who I was and what I had accomplished.  He was continually trying to bring me down a notch and it became easier to just be “less than” than to deal with his drama.  What I’ve learned is that it really is/was his drama.  He was the one that felt inadequate.  It was nothing that I did.  It was all about his inadequacies.  I don’t and can’t own them.

The funny thing is that the word that keeps coming up for me is Fierce.  I feel fierce when I manage all the different aspects of my life.  I feel fierce when I kick butt and take names.  I’m learning that sometimes you just need to be direct and tell people what to do.  It still feels really uncomfortable for me, but I know it is what needs to be done.