My daughter tends to consider me a little paranoid because whenever she is ready to go out on a date, I quiz her relentlessly about the person she’s going out with. i want to know where they’re meeting, how they met, and how long she’ll be out. She finds it a little overbearing of me. Did I forget to mention she’s 24?
In my mind, all the guys she plans to date fall into one of two categories: the serial killer who is going to slay her in the most painful way imaginable or the rapist who is going to use her and throw her away. My mind never considers that the guy she is dating might be a kind and loving person who will treat her with respect and do right by her. Oh no, my mind jumps right to crime and mayhem.
Hmm…I wonder why my mind always goes to the dark side? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that police procedural are my favorite form of brain candy. I can sit and binge watch an entire season of NCIS, Blue Bloods, or any one of a dozen shows brimming with blood, guts, and cruelty. I’ve always told myself I watch them for the mystery and for the team dynamics, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m getting more than I bargained for. Is my brain equating TV where they spend 45 minutes focused solely on crime with reality?
I wish I could say that the biggest difference between TV and reality is that guns don’t go off quite so often in reality, but unfortunately my paranoia formed while I was living in Chicago where gunshots are an everyday occurrence. However, the reality is that my paranoia truly comes from my interactions with Leroy Jethro Gibbs (NCIS), Frank Reagan (Blue Bloods), Hank Voight (Chicago PD), and all the rest of the hottie crime fighters that I watch on a regular basis. I love seeing them track down the bad guys, but I realized that my regular diet of crime is causing problems as I was seeing bad guys where none exist.
Fortunately, the universe provided a solution to my dilemma as I was driving home from Chicago one night and OnBeing happened to come on. As I listened to Krista Tippet interview one of her quests about Kabballah, I was filled with interest and peace. Since then, I’ve started seeking out more spiritual and uplifting fare than my usual crime dramas and I’ve realized that I do truly feel more peaceful and less paranoid when I fill my life with healthy listening instead of junk food (sorry Gibbs).
I probably won’t ever totally give up my dates with Gibbs, Frank, and Hank, but I think I’ll start watching and listening to other people who might give me a little healthier perspective on life.
Cairn by Cairn 
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