It’s been over a year since my Daddy died and a lot of that year has been spent worrying about my mom. She’d been with my dad since she was 16 years old and she never really lived on her own before. Dad made sure the house was taken care of, negotiated deals for new cars, and took care of other details of their life together.
One of the hardest moments of my life was in the funeral home the morning my dad died. He was being cremated, but my mom wanted to see him one last time so she asked the funeral director if that was possible. They brought my dad out on a gurney covered in a white sheet and my mother hugged him one last time and cried saying that she didn’t know how she’d go on. I took the funeral director aside and asked him if it would be possible to get a clip of my dad’s hair because my mother had loved how distinguished and silver his hair had turned. He obliged and made sure my mother got that lock of hair.
Ironically, the day my daddy died, my mom’s car gave out and she was almost overwhelmed by the thought of planning daddy’s funeral and arranging for a car. My brother and I looked at each other and knew that the vultures would be circling the new widow in desperate need of a car. We tried hard to convince her to wait because we knew that emotionally she was in no state to deal with the paperwork that a new car would entail and we knew that she had neighbors who would make sure she was taken care of even if we couldn’t be there. She insisted that she needed the car that day so I headed out to shop with her to ensure that she was not totally ripped off. She did fine up until she saw the paperwork with just her name on it and then the realization that the man she’d spent over 40 years with was gone, hit her and she broke down.
The past year has been more difficult for my mother than she’s let on and there have been days when she has wanted to crawl under the covers, but she has perservered. She’s learned, she’s grown, and she’s made a new life for herself. She’s volunteering at a Federal Fish and Wildllife facility by my daddy’s beloved Mississippi. A big part of her job is introducing kids to the wonders of nature and while she’s teaching them, she’s learning about he diversity of life in her area.
She’s also working and helping take care of the elderly and making sure that there last days are filled with kindness. The site of my dad laying under the cold white sheet was almost more than she could bear, so she’s decided to make small quilts that the funeral home can use in place of the white sheet to give people a little dignity and make it a little easier for people to see their loved ones at the funeral home. My mother has also gotten serious about losing weight because, as she puts it, she no longer has the excuse that she’s cooking for someone else so she’s watching what she eats and she’s walking at least a mile every day. This summer she took us out to the area that she walks in and I was amazed by the steep hills that she regularlly climbed.
My daddy will always be a huge part of my mother’s life as she lived with him and loved him for over 40 years, but I’m incredibly proud of her for perservering and building a new and very meaningful life for herself.
Cairn by Cairn 