Momma’s Bliss

Today’s my mom’s birthday and it’s the first one she’s celebrated without my dad since she was sixteen years old. As a child, I idolized my dad and didn’t really pay attention to the sacrifices my mom made to make sure we had what we needed and I never really appreciated her until I became a parent myself. As I look at who I am today, I realize that a lot of my strength, my grit, and my backbone, came from my mom and that I wouldn’t be who I am without the lessons I learned at her knee. My mom provided the stability in my life that let me take chances and learn to soar. Here are some of the lessons I learned from my mom:

Support those you love—My mom met my dad when she was 16 years old and he was 27. They got married when she was just 19 and they enjoyed a long and loving life together. I’m always thrilled when I look through the family photos to see the look of love in both of their eyes when they look at each other. My mom supported my dad through thick and thin and she was always there for him. She made trips to see his mamma at the holidays, even when she would have rather stayed home. She made sure my college tuition was paid, even if she had to sacrifice to do so and she made sure I got an extra 20 bucks once in a while to buy pizza with.

Be there for the people that matter—My mom was always there for her family and she made sure my dad showed up too, even when he would have rather stayed home. For their 25th Anniversary, my brother and I held a surprise party for them and, unfortunately, my aunt ruined the surprise by calling my mom the day before to apologize for not being able to make the party. My mom told my dad and he got all cranky and wasn’t going to go because he didn’t want to get dressed up. My mom knew the love and effort that we’d put into the party so she managed to drag him along because she didn’t want to let us down. The funny thing is that once my dad got there and saw all the people that had shown up to show their love and affection, he turned into the life of the party and you never would have known that he had to be dragged to the party.

Don’t diss those you love—I’m sure my parents had their share of ups and downs during their marriage, but I never once remember hearing them fight. It was only when I grew up that my mom shared some of her frustrations with my dad with me.

Make do with what you have—My mom grew up in a poor farm family and she carried the lessons of making do and being creative with what you had with her. We lived in a small two bedroom house when I was growing up and my brother and I had to share a bedroom. My mom rearranged the room so that my brother’s bed was in the closet and my side of the room was partioned off with a dresser. As a kid, that never bothered me and I always felt like I had my own space. Looking back, I view it as just another way that my mom was creative with what she had available to her. And in later years it inspired endless jokes about Tony coming out of the closet.

Be strong—My dad had several heart attacks when I was a child and looking back, I can imagine how terrified my mom must have been at the thought of being left a widow with two small kids. However, she never showed her fear and she always made going to visit dad in the hospital a big adventure. What I remember about those times was not being afraid that dad was going to die, but going to visit him in the cool old-fashioned waiting room at Geneva hospital and eating in the cafeteria at the hospital downtown. Another example of my mother’s strength of character was when my thirteen year-old cousin, her nephew, was killed in a farming accident on her birthday. Despite the heartbreaking anguish I’m sure she was feeling, she managed to stay strong and to explain the situation to my brother and I in terms we could understand and she made sure that we felt safe. I also admired my mother tremendously in my father’s last days on earth where she made sure he never saw her crying and where she camped out in a van at the hospital for days at a time so she was close to him.

Respect your elders—From an early age, my mom instilled in my brother and I a respect for our elders. We were taught to call people Sir and Ma’am, to open the door for older people, and to help them however we could. We were also encouraged to learn from our elders and to listen to their experiences to help us shape our own lives.

Experience Life—My mom has always encouraged me to experience life and to take all the opportunities that have come my way. We moved to Okinawa when Sean, her only grandchild at the time, was six months old and I know it had to be difficult for her, but she encouraged me to take the opportunity to enjoy it. She’s always thrilled when I get the opportunity to travel overseas and relishes the photos and trinkets I bring back.

Encourage dreams—Writing is in my blood and my mother has always encouraged me to pursue my dreams of writing. She has autographed copies of both my books, she reads my blog religiously, and she always encourages me to go for it. My mom has also demonstrated her willingness to follow her dreams by taking an art class and getting involved in organizations that are important to her.

Family matters –My mother’s family was dysfunctional to put it kindly. Her grandfather was a nasty old coot who was just plain mean. Her mother could be charming or mean depending upon her mood. However, my mother made sure that we knew who her family was and that we showed them respect. My mother always made sure that we attended family gatherings and that we spent time with our cousins and extended relations on both sides.

Do the Right Thing—My mother always taught me and my brother to do the right thing no matter what. That included being honest if someone had given us too much change and living up to our obligations no matter how difficult. My grandmother lived in a nursing home close to my mom for the last few years of her life and my mom always made sure she was taken care of. Although, there were a lot of times when I questioned my mother’s sanity for taking care of her after how horrible my grandmother had been to her, I admired her devotion. It was only later that my mom told me that she wasn’t taking care of her mother because she felt her mom deserved her devotion, it was because she had promised her father that she’d take care of her mother. As her dad had pointed out, my grandmother was the only mom my mom would ever have.

To your own self be true—This is the most important lesson my mamma ever taught me. She wrote in my autograph book when I was a kid to always remember to be true to myself. I struggle with that sometimes because sometimes my inner red neck comes out to play and I’m coarse and earthy and not the perfectly polished person I’d like to be. However, in my years on the planet, I’ve learned that everyone has a coarse and earthy side, most people are just too afraid of what people will think to let their inner red neck out. I’m not perfect, but you know what? That’s okay. I’m exactly the person I’m supposed to be.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday Mom. Thanks for always being there for us.