Luke, my beautiful Aussie / Collie Mix, came to us from a shelter when he was three and he had a lot of ingrained bad habits: barking insanely at anyone who comes to the door, not being able to walk on a leash, having accidents when we take him to PetSmart, and biting other dogs. Not a list of all the things you’d look for when you went to adopt a dog. However, he’s also one of the smartest and most loving dogs that I know and cuddling with him is pure bliss.
We’ve taken him to doggy obedience school, but he got so nervous every time he went that he would have an accident and then look ashamed of himself. We take him for walks and he pulls at the leash because he’s so excited. For the longest time, I thought that with enough exercise and practice, he’d get better and sometimes he does a really good job on the leash and other times he’s right back to ripping my arm out of the socket. Unfortunately for Luke and us, we spent a lot of time comparing him to dogs that walked beautifully on leashes because their parents had started working with them when they were puppies.
I finally realized that it wasn’t fair to compare Luke’s behavior that that of a dog that started walking on a leash when he was a baby. Could we make up for the lost time? Maybe, but the price would be a whole lot of frustration on our part and Luke’s. That’s when I realized that I had to accept Luke for who he was: a beautiful, furry companion who loves us with all his heart. That’s who Luke is and at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter to me if he can walk on a leash or not. We have a big back yard and we take him out to play and do psycho puppy several times a day so he’s not suffering by not being able to take walks.
The next realization was that my whole family was worthy of the same compassion and acceptance that I show Luke. I need to accept that cleaning the house is not a priority for a daughter, but that she brings a lot of joy to my life through her singing, her stories, and just being Caitlin. Sean can be grumpy and messy, but he’s always willing to help me move the heavy stuff and he’s great to talk politics with. John will never be as driven as I am, but that’s okay, he’s always been there for me and he’s been my moving buddy through more moves than we can count. Accepting myself is a little harder to do as I regularlly flagallate myself for not being pretty enough, for being too fat, for being a slob, for anything and everything. However, beating myself hasn’t helped me really change my life. All it’s done is make me feel unhappy and guilty. I still want to make changes, but I need to accept with all my heart who I am right now. I need to take the good with the bad and be happy with who I am.
It is amazing how many blissful lessons I learn from someone who can’t talk at all, but who manages to be very articulate with his eyes, his ears, and his love.
Cairn by Cairn 