Blissful Civility

Civility doesn’t get much press lately unless someone is complaining about the lack of civility in our modern world, about drivers who cut us off, about shoppers who take full carts through the fast lane, about the ungratefulness of youth. However, I’ve spent some time observing people the last few weeks and I’m realizing that civility is alive and well in the modern world and it’s very presence helps make the world a little more blissful.

Civility isn’t about perfect etiquette or using the right fork, civility is about treating others with common courtesy and respect. The Institute for Civility says that “It is patience, grace, and strength of character.” Civility is about practicing the golden rule and treating others like you would like to be treated.

The realization that civility breeds bliss came to me as I was walking into the bookstore and a child held the door open for me. It was a simple gesture, but it made me think about how good manners make the world a better place to live. My children are usually well behaved and polite and they’re generally the ones holding the door open for others when we get to the store because it’s the right thing to do and they don’t expect a reward for being good citizens, but they do expect the common courtesy of politeness. They’re always a little disgruntled when someone walks through the door they’re holding without a thank you. That little thank you means a lot as it means that someone noticed and appreciated what they’d done.

There are a number of people that I really don’t care for at work because they’re too aggressive, they’re backbiting, they’re power hungry, or worst of all they’re arrogant. Unfortunately, for me it’s very hard for me to be civil to people I really don’t like and that makes my life at work more difficult than it should be. I’ve always been an in your face kind of person and what you see is what you get. However, I’m learning that civility doesn’t mean I approve of they way they behave or their attitude, it just means that I want to get the job done and civility is sometimes the easiest way to accomplish that.

I thought that behaving with civility towards people I don’t like would make me feel two faced as if I was pretending to like people I didn’t really like. I was really surprised to find that treating people with civility actually made me feel more sympathetic toward them and more inclined to try to find common ground instead of automatically dismissing everything they say.

I’ve been working hard to practice civility lately and I’m finding that it’s helping me become more calm and balanced as I’m working to behave with patience, grace, and respect. The bliss comes from the realization that common ground can be easier to find than I thought.