The first few weeks living this way were kind of weird as I left work and then didn’t know what to do with myself as I was used to going home and working for several more hours to try to get the work done. Now, I come home and I can actually have a life. I go for walks with my daughter, read the books I want to read, work on my blog, and work on the prep work for the new business I’m starting.
Part of me feels guilty as if I’m not giving my employer its due because I’m not working 12 or 15 hour days, but the rest of me is breathing deep breaths and enjoying balance. I’m realizing that balance isn’t something most modern day office workers understand anymore. Back in the good old days 15 or 20 years ago, work ended when you left the building because once the door clicked shut behind you, you had no way to access your work.
Modern day “conveniences” have changed all of that and we’re now on call 24 hours a day. Sometimes being on call is boss-enforced, like when an important project is going live over the weekend, but all too often it is self-imposed. I know sometimes I let myself get trapped into thinking that if I don’t answer an email that comes in at 9 pm that the world is going to explode. The last few weeks have taught me that answering that email at 9 pm just perpetuates the 24 /7 work week as we end up playing a game of hot potato with the email because no one wants to be the one to leave it unanswered for more than a few minutes.
My most pathetic and stupid experience came when I was driving 90 miles an hour down the expressway to get to my daddy’s deathbed and I was reading emails on my blackberry as I was driving. How incredibly stupid, self absorbed, and selfish was that? I could have ended up killing myself on my way to visit my parents because I had to answer some dumb email about master data. Is that what anyone would call a meaningful death? I think not.
Although that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in the line of work, there’ve been quite a few times when I ducked into the bathroom to check my email during a party, a trip to the zoo, or another family event. I’ve taken conference calls in the car on the way to the museum, answered emails on Christmas day, and a whole host of other things that I’m not real proud of. Looking back, I realize that those electronic excesses had more to do with my own ego and feeling like I had to be a hero than about any real work related reason. If I hadn’t been available, the people on the ground would have made the best decision possible and we would have dealt with the impact when I got back. The world would not have come to the end if I hadn’t answered those calls or emails.
I hate to admit it, but it’s been almost pleasant to not get hundreds of emails a day. I’ve had time to spend time with my family and connect with the people who are really important to me and who’ll be there for me whether or not I answer their emails right away.
I’m learning that balance brings its own kind of bliss as I take time to dig up recipes that take more than 5 minutes to cool, cuddle with the dog, and write about things I want to write about versus what my boss wants me to write about. I’m thinking everyone needs to turn off the crackberry once in a while, put the lid down, and live in the world instead of the little electronic boxes that sometimes rule our world.
Cairn by Cairn 