My daddy died last year and in March we took his cremains down to Alton, IL to be buried next to his father. The first thing that struck me as I looked from my Daddy’s tombstone to his father’s was that my Daddy had lived a full life while my grandfather had been shortchanged.
My grandpa died when my daddy was three years old so my daddy was cheated out of a father growing up. I’d always known that, just as I knew that daddy had grown up poor. I’d always been amazed at what a wonderful father my dad was despite not having a father of his own.
What I hadn’t realized until I stood in front of my granddad’s tombstone was that he’d been 32 years old when he died, ten years younger than I was as I stood there. I was filled with an overwhelming sense of sadness for a man I’d never known. He’d died before he started to live. He never knew the wonderful children he’d helped to create or their grandchildren. He hadn’t gotten to grow old with my grandmother.
He hadn’t gotten to meet my Uncle Gene, the oldest, who’d served in the war, married a woman named Ethel, and had a daughter, Becky. He never saw the wonderful and gentle man that my uncle grew up to be who after his own grandchildren died in infancy, delighted in babysitting my son Sean and bouncing him on his knee.
He didn’t get to meet my Uncle Jerry who went to war and came back a changed man. Uncle Jerry’s first wife died of brain cancer after giving him two wonderful kids, my cousins Jim and Rhonda. He never got to know Jerry’s second wife, Mary, or get to know my favorite cousin Mark Lynn my partner in crime when it came to tormenting my brother Tony.
He never got to meet my daddy who was the most wonderful father a girl could have. He didn’t get to watch my daddy grow into a gentle and loving man who worked hard, loved his family, and inspired those around him. He didn’t get to meet my mama, Charlene, who loved my dad with all her heart. And he didn’t get to meet me and my brother or my beautiful children.
An overwhelming sadness hit me as I cried for a man who I’d never met, but whose blood ran through my veins. He’d been cheated out of the rich full life that my father had lived and I realized that although I’d always miss my dad, he’d lived a rich and full life and despite my despair, I experied a deep sense of bliss as I realized my dad had raised two responsible kids,
gotten to know and love his grandchildren, and got to spend his life with the woman he loved. He’d also left a legacy of love behind him and he’d change the lives of a lot of people.
Cairn by Cairn 